When Someone You Love Has Cancer

Todd is a great and well loved employee at Excell for Life Family Care & Pediatrics. If you have called or gone to check out after an appointment at the office a time or two over the past 5 years, chances are, you’ve talked to Todd.

He is a fun-lovin, strong guy who is great to have around. But this story isn’t about Todd’s professional attributes.

This is the story of how his life took a big turn when his wife was diagnosed with cancer late last fall. As you see here she is doing very very well now! This is Cecile & Todd celebrating their son’s wedding 5 weeks post chemo.

It’s been a whirlwind of a ride, and we feel his story is too powerful not to share because there are many of you out there who are directly affected by a cancer diagnosis that happens to not be yours. And Todd wants you to know that YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Here is his side of the cancer story.

The Unwanted Diagnosis

It was just another chilly, cloudy day in November. And yet, that day our lives changed big time. My wife, the woman I have loved since I was 22 years old, received her diagnosis.

It was breast cancer.

Initial thoughts:

1. I wanted to do the best I could to support my wife.
2. I wanted to say and do the right things.
3. I had no idea what that actual meant I should do.

I found precious little on the internet for spouses and caregivers of those fighting cancer. I realized this was going to be one of those “fly by the seat of my pants” things and hope I was doing it right.

First of all, I was dealing with my own shock and sense of despair and fear. Here is the woman that I’ve loved most of my adult life, dealing with cancer! She was going through her own hell, and I was going through mine. However, I was determined we were going to fight this together.

Don’t Let it Bottle Up

What did this diagnosis mean for her? For us? For me? I was always trying to be strong and rational for her. I wanted to be her rock, so my commute to and from work became my time to let it out. I clearly remember driving across the bridge over Geist Reservoir one morning beating on the dashboard of the car yelling “DAMN!” a few times as loud as I could.

Communicate as Openly as Possible Right Away

I finally decided to let Cecile take the lead. I told her to tell me what she wanted and needed and when she needed it. If she didn’t tell me I wouldn’t know. This worked well for us.

Plan a Crazy Schedule

We planned everything around her chemotherapy schedule. We learned very quickly when the fatigue and symptoms would kick in. Saturday after chemo, the morning was spent cleaning, shopping and preparing meals for me for the next week. By 2pm, Cecile was showered and dressed in her “Comfy Clothes” in anticipation of 3pm when it would hit her like a ton.

She barely moved off the couch for the next few days. My spare time was spent trying to entice her to eat. Protein tasted terrible to her and it was my job trying to get her to eat at least a little. During those days, she lived on chicken broth, mashed potatoes, rice and ice cream.

Work Through the Bad Days

I also took care of housework and laundry and anything else that came up. She was physically unable to do much of anything for about 3 days each treatment. Slowly things would improve and by the next Saturday, she was back to normal, or as normal as she could be. Here is a picture of a bad day just keeping it real.

Build a Community Wherever Possible

Get support where you can at work, church, or support groups. The incredible support I received from my coworkers is so appreciated. Schedules were shuffled around Cecile’s chemo schedule and everyone pitched in to help so I could be where I needed to be when I needed to be there. Words can’t express my gratitude. Love you guys!

Keep praying for Cecile and remember to thank God for all the good days He is giving us as well!